What if “toughing it out” isn’t the answer? A practical guide to therapy for men

Published May 5, 2026.

Shopping, the color pink, therapy; there are many things our society categorizes as being for women, when the truth is that anyone can appreciate and enjoy them. When it comes to the latter item, it may even be necessary, because men are four times more likely to die by suicide, and yet women are twice as likely to seek out therapy.

Many men are taught from an early age that masculinity is about being strong for the people in their lives and “sucking up” or “toughing out” the hard emotions so they can continue to be a provider. However, therapy can be a critical resource that helps anyone learn how to better handle their emotions and, therefore, be a steadier presence for everyone around them.

Understanding the mental health stigma for men

Stigma in this sense is an umbrella term that encompasses many preconceived notions about what being a man is, and what it isn’t. It is usually a collection of pressures and expectations formed by:

• Culture: Much of society perceives men to be stoic, solitary, and potentially aggressive during confrontation. This vision is directly at odds with the idea of therapy that requires opening up, sharing emotions, and processing feelings.
• Environment: Because of societal norms, many men grow up being taught to keep their emotions to themselves, which may be reinforced by friend groups, family members, and older adults.
• Self: Over time, this view becomes internalized. When it does, these traits can feel less like a stereotype and more like an integral part of one’s identity. Something like going to therapy grows from being an undesirable option to a personal failing. Even men who see other men going to therapy can fall victim to this mindset, especially if they have a mental illness like depression or anxiety that can distort their view of life.

Signs a man needs therapy and how can you tell they’re struggling?

Because of this pervasive stigma, few men ever admit to wanting or needing emotional support. It may fall to the people around them to recognize the signs and bring up the benefits of professional help. Some of the most common signs a man is struggling include:

• Isolation from friends and loved ones.
• Escapism or a sudden obsession with work or hobbies.
• Loss of interest in hobbies.
• An increase in substance use or abuse.
• Aggressive, impulsive, or risk-taking behavior.
• Mood swings or persistent sadness.
• Fatigue or restlessness.
• Talk or evidence of self-harm or suicidal ideation.

Clearly, many of these signs can fall on either end of an extreme spectrum. It’s a good rule of thumb to check in with anyone you know if they start acting differently than usual.

How to get a man to go to therapy

Talking to anyone about going to therapy can be a challenging experience, especially if they are likely to become defensive about it. The best thing you can do to prepare for such a conversation is to make sure you have the right intentions when you approach them. Therapy is not about changing someone or improving your life. It is about them finding resources to help them live a happier, more fulfilling life.

Furthermore, setting the scene can be a critical aspect of their response. Any time you want to engage in a serious conversation, it should be in private and in a space where they feel comfortable. This primes a person to be more open to your conversation.

1. Lead with empathy

This is not a confrontation. It is a conversation that comes from a place of caring. Explain that you love them and that you want to help them feel better. Suggest therapy, but try not to make it sound like a demand or ultimatum.

2. Bring evidence to support your suggestion

If you’re talking to a man whose thought process is largely logic-based rather than emotions-based, you can bring some statistics about men’s mental health resources to the conversation. If they are not used to talking about their emotions, this may be a more concrete way of proving that therapy can be a beneficial resource.

3. Suggest alternative therapy types

Therapy doesn’t always take place in a small office on a couch. Many people feel anxious about meeting with a therapist one-on-one like that. The good news is, there are hundreds of types of therapy out there. Some men may feel more supported in options like:

• Group therapy: Therapy groups for men may help him feel less alone by connecting him with others in a similar place as him. It may also feel less like therapy and more like hanging out with the guys, which can take a lot of pressure off the situation.
• Art or music therapy: Some men (and people in general) find communicating through words to be challenging. Even if they’ve never participated in such activities before, finding a creative outlet to express themselves may be more helpful to their mindset.

4. Establish yourself as part of his support system

Remind him that he does not have to do everything on his own. If you’re able, try to offer ways to help. Maybe you can call and make the appointment for him, or you can accompany him to the appointment if he’s comfortable with it. You could buy him dinner afterward as motivation, or even take on a chore of his so he has the time to visit a therapist. There are countless ways to support him during this upcoming journey.

5. Be willing to revisit

Someone of any gender may become defensive the first time you suggest they need help, and this is especially true when they feel as though it is an attack on their masculinity. If this is the case when you confront the man in your life, be willing to step back and leave it be. Sometimes the conversation is a starting point that makes them consider therapy. They may need time to adjust to the idea before agreeing to it.

Ultimately, the decision to go to therapy has to be theirs. Give them as much love and support as you can, but know that you cannot force them to get help, even if that means you have to step back from your relationship with them.

Find a therapist for men with Zencare

Getting a man to agree to therapy is the first step of the journey. Find support for every step with Zencare, a database of experienced therapists nationwide. Whether you want a therapist who regularly works with men, one who specializes in alternative therapies, or both, you’ll find what you’re looking for in our directory. Send them to Zencare.co to take the therapist-matching quiz today.